QUARANTINE TIMES: A WALK IN THE WOODS
Updated: Aug 6
“I don’t like admitting it, but I’m not really a nature guy. And I firmly believe that’s not my fault, I live near New York, so nature to me is a garden in the suburbs. That has to count right?
"Well, my friends give me c**p for it all the time. A lot of them are from the country so they say I’m the city slicker of the friend group, even though I don’t even live in New York. They’re all jerks, I tell them at least I’m not a hick like them.
Anyway, after coming home due to quarantine, I had all this extra time on my hands, and extra time means my siblings are probably going find some new way to terrorize me, so I started going on walks. Usually when I went on walks I would just walk to my old school and back, but I mean, I can drive around now so I’ve started going to the forest reserves.
I usually stay on the path, and just have a nice stroll, walk a mile or two then head home, but I guess this one day I really wanted to prove I wasn’t some “city slicker” so I took one of those unofficial paths, the ones that people walk so much it turns into a path, but you’re not supposed to really follow them. So I’m walking, and I’m just, finding all this weird stuff, like I swear to god I find a couch, just a full couch in the middle of the woods.
At one point I find a bunch of weird crates, and even though the only thing I can think of is the Blaire Witch Project, a seat's a seat. So I bunker down for a bit and watch random YouTube videos on my phone. After a while I decide to head back to my car, so I’m walking for what feels like, a weirdly long time. I was sure my car was closer than this, and it dawns on me, I hadn’t walked past that couch again, so I must have taken a wrong turn.
So now I’m really thinking about the Blaire Witch Project, and trying to get my sense of direction back, as I walk as fast as possible. After what feels like an eternity I see a break in the woods up ahead, and I’m proud you know! I found my way out just fine; all my country friends can suck it. So while I’m busy patting myself on the back, I walk out of the woods and directly onto some random person's lawn.
I was still going in the wrong direction. And I’m trying to get my bearings while also trying hard to not look like some weird quarantine killer showing up in people’s back yards, so back into the woods I go, again. And after a good while of walking, there it is, salvation, my beautiful car. I honestly felt like kissing it. After 8 miles of wandering through couch filled woods, I make it back, and decide to stick to the actual paths next time. I’m still positive I’m not a city slicker, though”
~~ A.J. Schwartz, interviewed by Asher Albanese (Class of '24)
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