QUARANTINE TIMES: DRIVING US BATTY!
Updated: Aug 6, 2020
I was upstairs in my room, just relaxing, and all of a sudden my dad starts screaming, “Emily! Emily! There’s a BAT in the house!”
I run downstairs and see a black blob flying between the living room and the kitchen, while my dad is running around downstairs with a giant broom trying to hit it. He sounded like a tennis player as he swung at the bat with his broom.
He told me to open the dining room doors so we could chase it in there and then lock it in the office. I stopped before opening the doors and looked him dead in the eyes, “Just don’t hit me with the bat. Don’t do it.”
I open the doors, and he smacks at the bat and literally slams the creature right into my face. The bat gives me a leathery slap across my face and then plops to the ground. Then it starts making that clicking noise, you know. Then came the screaming.
I’m like, “Dad, I told you not to hit me with the bat!” The bat is just clicking out its own Morse code on the floor, baring its sharp little teeth.
The bat begins flying around again while my dad tries to smack it in the direction of the dining room.
When he knocked it to the ground again, he quickly swept it into the office. I slammed the office doors shut and we went to bed hoping it would let itself out like an intruder that had wandered in by mistake. So, I thought this is done and over with.
But at 2:00 am, there I am, standing in the kitchen with a flashlight shining on a dark object huddled in the corner of the room.
You’ve gotta be kidding me.
I run up to my parents’ bedroom, and hover over my dad whispering, “Dad, Dad.”
Half-awake, he says, “What?”
“There’s another bat in the house.”
This time he sends me down into the basement to get the fishing nets stored there, and we arm ourselves. I shine my flashlight on the bat, while my dad takes his net and slowly inches it underneath the bat.
The bat wakes up and flies around the room, angry as hell. It hits the ground and starts screaming again and my dad’s yelling, “Emily! Put your net under mine!”
When I finally get the net under his and we sandwich the bat, it tries to shove itself through the holes in the net.
My dad takes it outside. I shut the door and leave my dad outside, with this screaming bat that he’s vigorously trying to shake out of the net.
I bet that thing gave me rabies. That’s a much scarier thing to catch from a bat than COVID-19.
~~ Emily, Class of '23 (Environmental Science and Art and innovation double major). Interviewed by Danae Fowler, Class of '22. Business Major, Classical Studies, Studio Art Double Minor).
IF YOU FEEL LIKE A BAT STUCK IN THE HOUSE, THINK OF FELLOW GATORS BEING DRIVEN OUT, BY UNFOLDING CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND THEIR CONTROL. PLEASE MAKE A DONATION TO HELP THEM OUT. THANK YOU!